


Mercy

by zillah37 (visionshadows)



Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 22:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/zillah37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, so old. Most of this was written back in IRC chats in like 99-2000. And yes, I'm posting it. So this is an AU where they're all working in a NYC hospital. Kind of loosely based on the idea of Scorsese's <i>Bringing Out the Dead</i>. There's dysfunctional relationships, a suicide attempt, and a lot of Lance Bass saying fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The young blond laughed happily as he walked through the crowd of people in the densely packed club, holding onto the arm of his boyfriend.  
“I’m having so much fun tonight.” He leaned over and kissed the other man.

“Me too, sweetie.” He ruffled the golden curls. “You ready to go?”

The blond nodded, slipping his hand into his boyfriend’s, twining their fingers together.

They stepped out into the cold New York air, laughing as they saw the clouds their breath made when they breathed out.

“Fucking faggots!”

A moment later, a shot was fired. “Oh god! Someone call 911. Hurry!”

He knelt down next to the blond, stroking his hair gently, trying to ignore the blood staining the street underneath his boyfriend’s body.

“Just hold on, sweetie. Hold on.” 

 

 

Chris grabbed his bag and jumped out of the ambulance, followed closely by Nick who was carrying the portable back board. They pushed through the crowd to get to the victim.

Chris pried the young man away from the victim. “We have to help your friend now.” He gently pushed him aside and looked over at Nick.

“Upper right chest,” Nick said, gently turning the young man and feeling around. “We have an exit wound in the back.

“Breathing is shallow and raspy. Heart rate down to 75. He’s losing a lot of blood.” Chris said, cutting open the victim’s shirt to see the gunshot.

Nick pressed his fingers over the wound, looking up at Chris, who nodded.

A moment later, they had him on the back board and in the back of the ambulance. Chris went to work, attempting to stabilize the victim as well as calming down the young man who was with them.

“Shit! He’s coding, Nick! Step on it!” Chris shouted, beginning CPR, ignoring the sobbing man next to him.


	2. Chapter 2

The tired man rolled over in the small bed, trying to catch a little sleep while he could. The room was basically a closet, but it offered enough room for a bed. That was all he needed. It had already been a very long shift and he was pulling a double.  
A moment later the door flew open and the harsh fluorescent light flooded into the room. A hand roughly shook him. "Wake up! We've got a gunshot wound on the way in."

He groaned softly and rolled over, looking at the pissed off nurse. "ETA?"

"Five minutes."

Dr. Chasez sat up and rubbed his eyes. "I hate working a double. Isn't there anyone else, Keri?

"Dr. Bass is in trauma 3 with a cardiac arrest. Dr. Levinson is currently tied up with a 13 year old giving birth. And Dr. Nichols is up to her elbows in a stomach wound."

Dr. Chasez sighed and got off the bed, following Keri into the crowded hallway. People were screaming all around them and nurses were running around trying to keep up with everything. He saw Joe running down the hall with a crash cart.

The ER at Mercy was at the nucleus of the city, so they ended up with most of the major trauma's in the area. Tonight was no exception.

Dr. Chasez yawned again and snapped a pair of gloves on, waiting for the gunshot wound to arrive. Keri and Dennis were waiting with him, all three of them moving around trying to stay warm in the cold air.

“Is it supposed to snow tonight?”

Keri nodded. “We’re supposed to get a couple of inches.”

“I can tell. The air smells like it.”

They didn't have to wait long as the ambulance came screaming into the driveway. Immediately the pace quickened and he was awake, the blood pumping through his veins. He loved this.

Chris jumped out of the back of the ambulance, pulling the stretcher out with Dr. Chasez's help.

"What do we have?"

"Gunshot wound to the upper right chest. Male, 19 years old. He coded once on the way over."

They pushed the stretcher into the hospital, moving as fast as they could. Dr. Chasez looked at the pale, lifeless body of the boy. His blue eyes were open and his golden curls were streaked with blood. He swallowed back his sympathy and went to work. 

 

“Maybe you should drive this time, Chris. I’ll stay in the back with the next one,” Nick said as they stood in the parking lot. “It’ll give you a little break.”

Chris nodded. “Do you mind?”

“Nope.” Nick said, stripping the disposable gown off. He tossed it in a disposal bag along with the rags and paper towels he used to clean up the back of the ambulance.

“That last one was one hell of a bleeder.” Nick said, tying up the bag. Chris nodded.

“They probably lost him,” Nick sighed and sat on the back of the ambulance. “I don’t think I want to know.”

He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered one to Chris who refused as usual.

“He was only 19,” Nick said softly. “Hell, I’m only 22. That hits a little too close to home.”

Chris squeezed his shoulder. “You can’t think about that. You’re going to be a great EMT, Nick, once you learn how to separate yourself from the job.”

Nick nodded and exhaled into the chilly air. “Does it still bother you?”

Chris nodded. “Sometimes it does. Runs like the kid tonight get to me more then a lot of others,” he shrugged. “But I try to concentrate on the good runs.”

Nick dropped his cigarette on the ground, putting it out with the toe of his boot.

“Let’s go see if we can score a good one then.” 

 

 

"Hey, Josh."

Josh looked up at Joey as he sat down, kissing Josh on the lips wearily.

"How's your evening been?"

Joey closed his eyes before answering, both of them oblivious to the blood staining the front of his scrubs.

"Shitty. Three of my nurses called out on this shift. We're swamped."

Josh leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Well mine has been just as fun. I just lost a 19 year old kid."

"The gunshot wound that came in about an hour ago? I saw you rush by during the code."

Josh nodded and took another sip of his coffee. "Yeah. I hate losing the young ones."

Joey opened his eyes to look at him. "You hate losing any of them. Hell, we all hate losing anyone."

Neither of them said anything for a moment, just breathing quietly and listening to the sounds outside of the room. This was their life.

"Where did they pick him up?" Joey asked, resting his hand on Josh's thigh, rubbing it gently through the thin fabric of the hospital scrubs. Josh ignored the latex gloves Joey had on.

Josh shrugged. "You're gonna have to ask Chris. I didn't take the time to ask."

Joey nodded. "I'll ask him next time he comes in from a run. The way tonight's been going, he'll be back soon enough."

The door to the lounge swung open and Dr. Bass stalked in, flinging his stethoscope against the wall. "Mother fucking pieces of shit! I hate this fucking place!"

"Bad night, Lance?"

"Fucking fucks. I have three fucking more days and I get to go on my fucking vacation! Why the fuck does this place have to go to hell now?"

"It went to hell years ago, Lance. Get used to it."

Lance sat down across from them. "I need a drink."

Josh gestured to his locker. "I've got whiskey in there. How much longer are you on?"

"Till 7am. I'll have some after that."

Joey closed his eyes again. "Where are you going on vacation?"

"Mount Logan. Kelly has some great plan to go there and hike. I hate hiking." Lance's eyes were closed and he had curled up into a ball, tucking his legs under his long white coat.

"Then why are you going?”

"Because last year I dragged her to Florida. She hates Disney World."

"I bet the kids liked Disney World," Joey said, shifting so his head was resting in Josh's lap now. "Probably more then they would like hiking."

"Yeah. They loved Disney World. And they are going to Kelly's mom's instead of hiking. Wish I could have swung that." Lance muttered.

Josh chuckled. "You must hate hiking if you would rather spend it with your mother-in-law."

"Code Blue. Trauma 5." The loudspeaker blared. All three of them were up and moving in the blink of an eye, racing down the hall towards the code. 

 

 

"So where did you pick up the blond kid with the gunshot wound?" Joey asked Chris as he signed the charts in front of him.

"Greenwich Village. Did he make it?" Chris asked, taking a bite of his bagel.

"Nope. We lost him."

"Shit," Chris muttered. "It's such a waste. Do you know why he was killed?"

Joey shook his head. "We never know why someone's killed. We just do our best to save them."

"We picked him up outside of a gay club. Witnesses said that someone chose him as he walked out with his boyfriend. He was shot right after the guy called him a faggot. That kid was shot and killed because he was gay. You should have seen how destroyed the boyfriend was."

Joey finally looked up at him. "I'm not telling Josh that."

Chris nodded. "I don't blame you. He's probably torn up enough for losing him. Don't tell him why he was killed."

"C'mon, Chris! We gotta move."

Chris sighed and waved to his partner. "Catch you the next time I'm in, Joe."

"See you later, Chris." Joey said, looking back down at his charts. His mind was having a hard time letting go of what Chris had just told him. He was sick of this little microcosm of the world that the hospital was. His heart was hardened towards blood, violence, crime, drug use. He had little or no sympathy for anyone that walked through the door anymore.

He closed the chart in front of him and wiped the name off the board. He knew that made him a good ER nurse, not caring, but it also made him less of a human being.

"Joe! Can you come over here?"

Joey nodded and put the charts back in the rack. He walked over to where Dr. Bass was talking with a patient. "What's up?"

"Just talk to him while I'm looking at the wound on his leg."

Joey nodded and stood next to the man's head. "So, what brings you here tonight?"

"The tribal council kicked me out of Babel. I offended them somehow and now I am a lost soul."

"Interesting. So you're completely insane, aren't you?" Lance glared up at Joey, but continued working. "A total nutcase. What's that like, cause you know, being sane and all, I'm not really familiar with the condition."

"They'll kill me if they find me. I disturbed the peaceful community that we had. I am a dead man."

Lance stood up and stripped off his gloves. "Well, it looks like all you need is a few stitches and a good psychiatric evaluation. Can you find me Hunter to do the stitching and call up to psych for a consult, Joe?"

Joey nodded, stripping off his gloves and tossing them in the trash, and walked back to the desk, wiping his hands on the front of his scrubs. He hated having to touch the patients, gloves or not.

He reached into his pocket, pulling out another clean pair of gloves, putting them on before he touched anything else.

Vanessa, the desk clerk, looked over at him for a moment, watching him type with the gloves on.

“Isn’t it easier to type without them?”

Joey looked down at his hands. “Yeah, I guess so.” He continued to type quickly, looking over at Vanessa.

“Don’t you ever get tired of wearing them?”

Joey sighed and finished his report. “I don’t wear them at home, Vanessa.”

She watched him stalk away. “That’s good. I would hate to think you touch Dr. Chasez with gloves on.” She mumbled under her breath. 

 

 

"I hate this job." Joey said to all of them.

Lance nodded, sipping his whiskey. "Who doesn't?"

Chris tipped his chair back, balancing on two legs. He laced his fingers behind his head. "I like my job. I actually feel like I do some good."

Nick stood against the wall, resting casually out of the way. He didn’t really feel comfortable with the other three yet, but Chris was determined to help him fit in with Mercy’s staff.

"How do you spell synecdoche?" Josh asked, not looking up from his crossword puzzle.

"No clue." Lance said, pouring himself another shot of whiskey. "Anyone?"

Both Joey and Chris shook their heads. "Sorry Josh. Can't help you this time."

Joey yawned and pushed back his chair. "Well it's 7am. Our shift is over. I'm going home."

Josh looked up. "Okay. Let me just finish this and then we can go."

"Just finish it on the damn train, Josh. I want a shower and our bed as soon as possible." Joey snapped at him.

Josh sighed heavily and folded the newspaper under his arm. "You gonna give him a ride home?"

Chris nodded. "I'll make sure Lance gets home in one piece. Nick and I will give him a lift."

"Okay. See you guys tonight."

Lance laughed. "Maybe it'll be slower tonight," He took another drink of whiskey. "Yeah, right. And maybe I'm not going hiking in Canada."

Josh chuckled. "Bye Lance."

Joey put his arm around Josh's shoulder when the two of them walked outside. "We survived another night."

Josh nodded. "Yeah we did."


	3. Chapter 3

"So tell me why I should be helping you?" Joey asked, pushing the man's sleeve back and taking his pulse. “All you are going to do is go home, sleep this off, and get drunk again tomorrow night. You’ll be back here getting me to fix you up again.”  
The man shivered and threw up all over himself and Joey.

"Fuck," Joey muttered, stripping his gloves off and leaving the room. "Can someone go clean the drunk in 8 up for me? It’s Mr. Llewellyn. I have to go change my scrubs again!" Joey stalked down the hall, pushing open the lounge doors angrily.

He grabbed a pair of scrubs from the closet and began to strip off the ones covered in vomit. This was the third pair ruined today. The first had been blood. The second was water. The plumbing in one of the trauma rooms had exploded, soaking everyone including the guy in the middle of a cardiac arrest. Now he was covered in vomit. He hated this job.

"Evening, Joe."

Joey waved his hand dismissively at Dr. Bass, pulling a green top over his head. Lance took off his winter coat, shaking the snow off it before hanging it in his locker. 

"How's it been so far?"

"I'm changing my scrubs for the third time. Two nurses called out. Dr. Nichols broke her ankle so she's out and Josh's been on his feet since yesterday evening when he got here at 10. It's been fucking great."

Lance sighed and walked over to the coffee pot. "I guess I need a caffeine and sugar rush before getting out there then. Any major traumas on their way in?"

Joey shook his head. "Nothing at the moment." He grabbed a pair of gloves, pulling them over his hands again. He poured himself another cup, taking the sugar from Lance when he was done.

"Do you ever take the gloves off now?"

Joey shook his head. "Not while I'm here."

Lance nodded, sipping the coffee and looking at Joey. He had known him for eight years now, when both Joey and Josh had gotten hired here, and Joey had just been slowly becoming disillusioned with his job and his life. Lance loved what he did for the most part. He just hated the politics and losing people. Joey hated people now. He hated his job with a passion.

"I gotta get back out there. I have a drunk throwing up everywhere to take care of."

“Mr. Llewellyn?” Joey nodded and Lance gave him a sympathetic smile. "See you in about 10 minutes. Is Josh sleeping?"

Joey shrugged. "Beats me. I haven't seen him in at least four hours. Ask Jerry." He stalked out, slamming the door behind him.

Lance sipped his coffee, watching Joey leave. He shook his head and sat down, grabbing a medical journal from the table. He had a few minutes to relax before heading out to work and he knew to take the time to relax while he had it. He may never get a chance the rest of the night. 

 

 

Chris closed his eyes, his head resting against the window. His partner, Nick, was smoking a cigarette outside next to the ambulance.

It was actually quiet for a few minutes and Chris was going to take advantage of that. They had been making runs non-stop since he got on at 6. They had lost three people on the way to Mercy already.

Nick climbed back inside, singing softly to himself. Chris opened one eye. "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah. I was listening to the Beatles earlier. They're stuck in my head now."

"You're old enough to know who the Beatles are?"

Nick laughed and started the ambulance up. "Man, everyone knows who the Beatles are. You don't have to be old like you are to like them."

"I'm not that old." Chris grumbled, closing his eye again. "563 pick up." Chris leaned forward and grabbed the radio. "563. What's up?"

"We've got a double stabbing..." Chris tuned out the rest of it, knowing that Nick would listen. A moment later, the siren was screaming and they were heading to the victims. Chris stepped into the back and began to set everything up for two critical patients.

By the time they got there, it was too late. Both victims were DOA. Chris sighed and got back in the ambulance with Nick. "That's five before we even got to the hospital." Nick said softly, flicking his cigarette out the window. Chris nodded.

"563 pick up."

Chris groaned as Nick answered the call. "563. Talk to me."

"You guys are picking up an old woman on the corner of 3rd and Arch. This is just a simple old woman who is lost. Should be easy."

Chris sighed. "Thank god."

Nick nodded. "Maybe someone will actually live today." 

 

 

Conner Walters walked into the ER, his long strides eating up the ground. Joey looked up from the patient he was talking to, nodding as Conner walked by.

“Where’s Dr. Bass?” Conner asked Vanessa, who jumped back, her eyes wide. It wasn’t every day the chief of staff visited the ER.

“I think he’s in exam five, Dr. Walters.”

Conner quickly walked down the hall, his lab coat streaming behind him.

Dr. Bass was in exam five talking to a young man with an oxygen mask over his face. He looked up when Conner walked in.

“I’ll be right back.” He said to the patient, following the chief of staff out of the exam room.

“Evening, Conner. Isn’t this a little late for you to be here?”

Conner crossed his arms and nodded. “I was in surgery.”

Lance smiled. “So what do I owe the honour of a personal appearance in the ER from you to? Who did I piss off this time?”

“Believe it or not, no one. I’m pleasantly surprised that your behaviour has calmed down in the past few months. Vacation must have done you well.”

Lance raised an eyebrow. “I’m getting a student, aren’t I? Why else would you be down here complimenting me?”

“I’m sure there would be other reasons that escape me at the moment. Yes, you are getting a student.”

Lance groaned and kicked the wall like a petulant child. “Ouch,” he muttered. “What about Josh or Laurie? They have much better teaching skills then me.”

“This is my decision. Besides, Josh and Laurie both had students twice this year. You knew it was going to happen.”

Lance nodded and held out his hand. “Gimme the file. When’s my life going to go down the crapper?”

“Tomorrow night. Good luck, Dr. Bass.” 

 

 

"Ok. CBC, chem 7, diff." Josh said, rubbing his eyes. "And the others. You know what I want done."

Keri nodded and wrote the orders for Josh, handing him the pen to sign it. "Go try and sleep. Dr. Bass just got here, so you are relieved for a little bit. I'll get you if things go nuts."

Josh yawned. "Do you know where Joe is?"

Keri nodded. "Restraining a crack addict in curtain four. I wouldn't bother him. I think he's about to snap."

"Nah. He only snaps when we get home. He'll be okay until we leave."

Josh wandered down the hall, trying not to fall asleep walking. He heard shouting and began to run, recognizing Joey’s voice.

Security was rushing down the hall right behind him. He saw Joey slamming some guy against the wall. Josh grabbed his arm, pulling him back. "Get off of him!" Joey pushed him away, sending JC sprawling backwards. Joey's fist slammed into the man's stomach again.

"Fuck this shit!" Joey shouted, stripping his ever-present gloves off and stalking out of the ER.

"Call Basil. We need more nurses down here now! And get Dr. Beeson down here as well." Josh shouted, still sitting on the floor. He felt someone pull him up. Chris gestured to where Joey had gone. Josh followed him outside.

Joey was sitting in the snow, hugging his knees to his chest and crying. Josh sat down next to him and put his arm around him. Joey looked up at him, trying to hold back his tears.

"I can't do this anymore, Josh. I can't take it."

Josh nodded. "You need a break."

"No. I need to quit. I need to stop working in an ER in the middle of New York City. I need to get the hell out of here. I can't do this anymore."

Josh hugged him. "Okay, baby. Why don't you take the rest of the night off? Go home, take a long shower, have a beer, and get some sleep. I'll be home around 7:30. We'll talk about this then."

"That fucking asshole was beating his 6 year old daughter. He brought her in with a broken arm, saying she fell down the steps. It's fucking 2 am. He fucking beat her. The little girl was covered with bruises. And he just sat there smug as anything as I helped Lance set her arm. Then when Lance left, he gives me this little grin."

Joey ran his hands through his hair again. “Fuck, Josh. I wanted to kill him. I still do. He knew that I knew he had done it and he didn’t give a fuck. He just smiled at me and told her he loved her.”

"I know, honey. I know."

Joey pushed him away. "No you don't! You just come in and fix them up. We have to deal with the family. You doctors don't take the shit. The nurses do. I do!"

Joey was up and moving again, heading back inside. Josh stood up and ran after him, grabbing his arm. "Go home!"

"I am! I want my fucking coat!"

Josh pushed him against the wall. "I'll get it. You stay out here. If you go back in there, security is going to be all over you." Joey nodded, slumping against the wall again. He pulled out another pair of gloves from his pocket, slipping them on. Josh sighed and walked back inside.

"Is he okay?"

Josh shrugged. "I made him stay outside, Chris. Can you guys take him home?"

Chris nodded walking down the hall with Josh. "Is he done, Josh?"

"Yeah. I think he is." 

 

 

"It's a girl!" Lance shouted, holding up the baby so her 15 year old mother could see. He quickly handed the baby over to one of the nurses and let her take care of the baby. "Okay, now you are going to feel contractions again. You have to give birth to the placenta." The 15 year old was crying and clutching to her mother as Lance tried to calm her down.

Lance tried to forget that the baby girl just born had been born to a baby. She didn't even know she was pregnant until a month ago according to her mother. Lance didn't know what to say as the girl quickly gave birth.

He stripped off his gloves and walked out into the hall, leaving the new family alone. Chris waved to him as he left and Lance headed for the lounge. Josh was curled up on one of the couches fast asleep. Keri and Dennis, two of the ER nurses, were talking softly.

"Hey guys." Lance whispered, sitting down next to them.

"Dr. Bass." Dennis said, jumping slightly. He was oddly frightened of Lance for some reason.

Lance grinned. "Relax, Dennis. I won't bite. I may shout a lot, but I don't bite."

"Well, you shouting is nothing like Joey shouting. I've never seen that before."

Lance furrowed his brow. "What?"

"Fatone snapped. He beat some random guy up and flipped out, stalking out of here. Dr. Chasez sent him home."

"Shit," Lance muttered, running his hand through his short, blond hair. This was very bad. He looked over at Josh who was managing to sleep for the moment. "How long has Dr. Chasez been asleep?"

"About fifteen minutes. He was out before he even sat down."

Lance nodded and stood up. "Let him sleep unless it's absolutely necessary to wake him. That's an order."

Lance stalked out. Keri and Dennis exchanged glances. "That man goes through so many mood swings." Keri said, picking at her sandwich.

"Tell me about it. At least he keeps this place interesting."

Keri snorted. "Like this place could ever be boring."


	4. Chapter 4

JC managed to unlock the door, his vision starting to fade as he struggled to stay awake. He was so happy to be home finally and so unhappy at the same time. He didn't want to see what kind of condition Joey was in.  
The apartment was pitch black, but he could hear the TV on in the back room. He felt along the wall until he found the light switch, flooding the room in brightness. His jaw dropped and his bag slipped to the floor.

The apartment was trashed. The bookshelf was pushed over, the kitchen was a mess. The chairs were thrown around. JC closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to breathe slowly. This wasn't happening again. Joey was okay. When he opened his eyes, the apartment was going to be neat and tidy.

JC opened one eye and sighed. This really was happening. He'd been awake for almost 42 hours now. He was not in the right frame of mind to deal with Joey at the moment.

JC picked his way through the living room, careful not to step on anything. He headed for the back room where the TV was. The lights were off in there as well, but the TV was on. JC flipped the lights on and walked over to the couch, shaking Joey angrily.

He didn't budge, just lying there like a limp rag as JC shook him. "Fuck." JC muttered. He picked up the remote and turned off the TV, cutting off the freaky kid from 'The Shining' while he was intoning the words 'redrum' yet again.

He could see the empty bottle of vodka on the ground. Knowing Joey, that had been full when he started. Well fuck him, JC thought. If he wants to throw a fit and drink himself into a stupor so be it.

JC shut off the light and went into their bedroom, leaving Joey passed out on the couch. He stripped off his scrubs and climbed into bed, asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. 

 

 

"I have to call him in front of the review board, Josh. You know that."

JC sighed and sat back in the leather chair, looking at the chief of staff in despair. "Conner, please. You know that this was just an isolated incident. Joe is a fantastic ER nurse. He's just stressed at the moment. Can't we just bury it?

Conner sat forward. "I would let it go if the victim wasn't pressing charges. We have to deal with this."

JC nodded. "Fine. Is he on suspension?"

Conner nodded. "Until further notice, I don't want to see Joe in this hospital. I'll call and tell him myself."

"Don't bother. He's not at home."

"Josh, as a hospital administrator, it's not my place to ask about your home life, but as your friend, I would like to know if everything is okay."

"When I got home this morning, he had destroyed the house and drank himself into a stupor. When I woke up he was already gone. No note, nothing. His beeper was on the table. I don't know where he is."

"Keep me informed, Josh."

JC nodded and stood up. "Am I dismissed?"

Conner nodded. "Make sure you don't get roped into working another double, Josh. Get yourself home and let's hope Joe shows up."

JC left Conner's office and headed back down to the ER. His shift was scheduled to start in about 15 minutes. He didn't really want to see anyone he worked with especially since it was going to be everyone who saw Joey's breakdown last night. He wasn't up for the battle. He had contemplated calling out, but he knew that the ER was going to be so short staffed if he called out.

He slipped into the lounge and opened his locker, tossing his bag inside and pulling out his coat and stethoscope. Lance was sitting at the table reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee. JC poured himself a cup and sat down.

"How did the talk with Conner go?"

"Joey's suspended until further notice and charges are being pressed against him. He's going to be called in front of the review board."

Lance put his paper down to look at JC. "I'm really sorry, Josh. If there's anything I can do, just let me know."

JC nodded. "Thanks, Lance." 

 

 

Joey closed his eyes again, blindly swallowing the pills in his mouth with another drink of rum. He was starting to feel dizzy and sleepy.

His wrists were throbbing a little and he opened one eye to look at them. Blood was running down his arms and dripping on the floor.

Joey touched his wedding ring and turned his head away, reaching for another bottle of pills. He narrowed his eyes, trying to read with it was, but gave up, opening them and dumping them into his mouth.

His eyes were closed now and he was tired, so very tired.

“Hey, Joe, hope you don’t mind me dropping...Holy shit! Nick get in here now!”

Chris lifted Joey’s arm to take his pulse, dropping it when he saw the slit wrists.

“What is it...Shit!” Nick was immediately by his side, grabbing empty bottles of pills and shoving them into his coat pockets.

“Is he still alive?”

Chris nodded. “I got a pulse,” Chris’ hand was pressed to Joey’s throat, watching his chest slowly rise and fall.

“Fuck, he was really serious about this,” Nick said as they lifted him up. “I wish we had a backboard.”

“Just move, Nick. I’m not going to let him die.” 

 

 

"So on account of my achromatopsia they wouldn't let me into the police academy. So I decided to become a doctor." Lance sighed as he listened to the medical student next to him yammering away.

"For now, just stay out of my way and watch me. Don't touch any of the patients unless I tell you to and never, I mean never, pass yourself off as a doctor to any patient or family members."

The over-eager student nodded as he tried to keep up with Lance, who was striding down the hall quickly towards exam room 6. "What are we going to look at, Dr. Bass?"

"32 year old male complaining of headaches and dizziness following a car accident yesterday." Lance said, opening the door and walking inside. He grabbed the chart and quickly flipped through it.

"Hello Mr. Richardson. I'm Dr. Bass. This is Alex McLean, a medical student. What can I do for you today?" Lance asked briskly, already checking out the patient's pupils.

"Well, I got into a little car accident yesterday on the way home from work. Those darn cabbies never watch where they're going when they drive. So since then I've been really dizzy and had bad headaches."

"Did you bang your head?"

Mr. Richardson nodded. "I hit my head on the steering wheel pretty hard. I saw stars after it happened."

Lance nodded and scribbled on the chart. "I'm going to call neurological for a consult. You probably have a concussion, but I would rather rule out anything else. Someone will be down to see you in a few minutes."

"Thank you, Dr. Bass. I appreciate you taking the time to see me."

Lance grinned and shook the man's hand. "It's my job, Mr. Richardson, but patients like you make it easier."

Lance smiled again and headed outside followed closely by Alex who was asking all kinds of questions. Keri grabbed Lance's arm.

"There's a trauma coming in. Are you free?" Lance nodded and ran down the hall with her.

"What do we have, Chris?"

Chris looked up at Lance, tears streaking down his cheeks. "It's Joe."

Lance looked down. "Holy shit! Someone find Dr. Chasez! What happened?"

Nick took over the status for Chris, who was just barely holding on, seeing one of his best friend's lying unconscious on the gurney.

"Suicide attempt. Wrists are slit and there were multiple empty bottles of pills as well as alcohol around. I have the bottles in the ambulance. We don't know how long he's been unconscious, but he's still breathing shallowly."

Lance lifted Joey's wrists looking at them. "He cut the wrong way. The bleeding is already slowing."

There was a knock on the door and JC looked up from his patient, an elderly woman who had cut herself while making dinner. Keri gestured for him to come into the hall. "I'll be right back, Mrs. Gering." The old woman smiled and picked up her knitting again to continue waiting.

"What's up, Keri?"

She bit her lip. "Chris and Nick just brought Joey in. Dr. Bass is working on him in trauma 3." Josh's face paled and he took off down the hall, pushing people out of the way in his hurry to get to the exam room.

Josh pushed his way inside, knocking Alex out of the way as he stood by the door observing. "What happened? Is he alive? Talk to me! Someone tell me!" Josh shouted.

He felt arms grab him, holding him back. "It was a suicide attempt, Dr. Chasez. We're pumping his stomach now. Dr. Bass is stitching up his wrists. Please calm down."

"Calm down! You want me to calm down! My fucking husband is on the table dying and you want me to calm down!"

Lance stripped off his gloves and walked over to Josh, putting his hands on his shoulders, forcing Josh to look at him. "He's going to be fine. Screaming and carrying on like this isn't going to make this any easier on any of us. I will let you stay in the room if you promise to calm down." Lance's voice was firm and JC just nodded slowly.

"Put some gloves on and join me at the table. Talk to him for me." Lance said reaching for another pair of gloves for himself. JC nodded dumbly taking the gloves Neenah handed him and putting them on. 

 

 

"They kidnapped me you know. They kidnapped everyone. It's a huge conspiracy!"

Lance sighed as he and Alex walked past the screaming man restrained on the gurney. Alex's eyes were wide as they passed him. Lance looked over at the young man. "How old are you?"

"I'm 23. How old are you?"

"Not an appropriate question, Mr. McLean, but I will answer you nonetheless. I'm 36. I'm married and I have three kids. Any other inappropriate questions you would like to ask me while I am feeling vulnerable enough to answer them?"

"Who was the man who came in earlier? The suicide attempt?"

Lance sighed and gestured for Alex to follow him into the doctor's lounge. "Grab a cup of coffee then sit down."

Lance rummaged through his locker, looking for the pictures from last Christmas that he kept in there. "Okay. I'm gonna have to have a talk with Chris and Nick again." Lance said, pulling out a jar of molasses from his locker. He tossed it into the trash.

"Why sir?"

"They seem to think it's funny to put molasses in my locker. Something about the fact that I used to talk a lot slower then I do now because I'm from Mississippi.

"I barely noticed your accent, sir."

Lance sat down, the pictures in his hand. "Don't call me sir. Call me Dr. Bass at the very least. I hate sir."

"Okay, Dr. Bass. Will you tell me who the man was?"

Lance nodded, handing him the pictures. "The man that Chris and Nick brought in this evening was Joseph Fatone, one of the nurses from our ER. He's also Dr. Chasez's husband as he loudly announced to the room when he burst inside. Joe had a breakdown last night in the ER. It's been a long time coming, but none of us thought it would happen in the ER and none of us thought he would harm himself."

"So that's why everything sort of stopped when Chris said that it was Joe." Alex looked at the pictures. Dr. Chasez was hugging the man who had been brought in. Chris, the EMT, had his arms around a blonde woman and Dr. Bass was kissing a short redhead. They all looked really happy.

Lance nodded. "This is going to take a long time for all of us to get past." 

 

 

JC watched his husband sleep, Joey's face pale and lifeless. He stroked his cheek gently, trying to ignore the soft restraints that were around Joey's wrists and ankles.

"I love you, sweetie. Wake up and talk to me. Please."


	5. Chapter 5

"Don't touch that!" Lance shouted, grabbing the suture kit from his son's hand. "Benjamin! I've told you before and I'll tell you again. Don't touch Daddy's stuff."  
Lance sat back down at the kitchen table, pressing the cool bottle of Rolling Rock to his head. Chris chuckled and watched as Lance's youngest son slowly reached for the suture kit again. Lance opened one eye and looked at him. "I really think you should go bother Mommy for a bit, Benjamin."

Benjamin pouted for a moment but decided that bothering Mommy was a great idea. Especially because she was trying to give Nicole a bath at the moment. Benjamin ran from the room. Chris chuckled and took a sip of his beer.

"Do you really think that was fair to Kelly? Now he's going to go bug her."

Lance nodded. "Very fair. I spent all day chasing after him and Nicole. Plus when Brandi got back from school I had to chase her around. I need a break."

"You can handle a million trauma's at once, patients, nurses, and doctors screaming at you, but you can't handle watching all three of your kids at one time?"

"Pretty much. Of course you've never tried taking care of kids. It's not as easy as it looks. It's always 'Daddy play with me' 'Daddy she hit me' 'Daddy he looked at me funny'," Lance shuddered. "Give me a gunshot wound any day. It's easier. The patient doesn't talk back."

Chris shook his head. "And Dani thought it was a bad idea to not have kids. I should send her over here more often."

Lance nodded. "Please. They scared away the last two baby-sitters we had. Benjamin put bugs in the dinner with the last one."

"Like I'm gonna subject Dani to that."

Lance put his beer down and looked at Chris. "Okay. Enough small talk. Give me the details."

Chris nodded, taking another long drink before putting the bottle on the table. "I managed to drag Josh out of the hospital long enough to get him home, showered, changed, and fed. That apparently was his limit of time spent away from Joey. He made me take him back to the hospital after that."

"I told Conner to take him off the schedule but Josh won't let him," Lance said angrily. "Damn bastard won't listen to any of us."

"Josh is stubborn as all hell and you know that. We all know that."

"How's Joe?"

Chris shrugged. "Still not talking to anyone, even Josh. He did apparently eat today."

Lance sighed. "I guess that's the closest thing to an improvement he's had in days. Is he still restrained?"

Chris nodded. "Until he starts talking, they are keeping him restrained.” 

 

 

"SaWa De Ka." The petite woman said, clasping her hands together and bowing to him. Josh smiled and bowed back slightly. 

The young boy in the bed gestured to Josh. "My mother says hello. She does not speak any English."

Josh nodded. "You can translate for her and me then, correct?"

The young boy nodded. "Of course."

Josh smiled again. "Okay. How long have you been running a fever?"

"A week. My mother thinks it is something wrong with my medications. She wanted you to make sure that I am not having a bad reaction to the AZT again. I have had trouble with it in the past."

Josh nodded. "We'll run some tests to see how your AZT levels are as well as your blood work in general."

The boy quickly translated for his mother, who answered back just as quickly. "Mother says that I have had trouble with the AZT many times before."

Josh smiled again at the woman. "Tell your mother we will find out what's wrong. Don't worry."

The boy told her and she smiled, bowing again. Josh stepped aside gesturing for Alex to step up to the plate. "This is Alex. He's going to draw your blood so we can run the tests."

Alex swallowed nervously, checking his gloves again without being obvious. He was fairly good at drawing blood, but he had never drawn blood from a patient with HIV. Plus it was a little kid. He didn't want to hurt him.

Josh smiled at him warmly. "Just go slowly, Alex. I'm sure Tai is quite familiar with getting his blood drawn." The boy nodded and Alex felt slightly better, quickly finding a vein in the boy's arm.

Josh put a band-aid over the needle prick, disposing of all the equipment used on Tai properly using full precautions for HIV-contaminated supplies. "I'll be back as soon as I get the test results to talk to you and your mother, Tai. See you soon."

Josh left the room followed closely by Alex. He looked over at him. "You did better that time. Have you done any suturing yet?"

Alex nodded. "Dr. Bass showed me the other day. I also watched him suture..." Alex's voice trailed off and he looked away.

"You can say it, Alex. You watched Dr. Bass suture Joe's wrists when he came in. I am very aware that it happened. Don't dance around it."

Alex nodded. "How is your friend?"

Josh looked over at him. "He's my husband, Alex. That's the correct term for Joe."

Alex sighed and nodded again. No matter what he said, he said something wrong to Dr. Chasez. He really wanted the man to like him because he was an amazing doctor. All he kept doing was tripping over his words around the man though.

"Tell me a little bit about yourself, Alex." Josh said, picking up a chart and looking over it, ignoring the question about Joey's condition.

"Like what?"

"Like anything. What do you do for fun? Wait I can answer that myself. You're a med student. You don't have time for fun." Josh grinned at him, happy when he saw Alex smile back and laugh.

"That's true. When I do get a chance to relax, I tend to watch movies. I love movies."

"Really? Who's your favorite director?

Alex was impressed. Dr. Chasez didn't ask his favorite movie, instead he went to something much more important to movie lovers. Directors.

"All time fav is Scorsese but I'm also a huge Kevin Smith fan."

Josh nodded. "Dogma was his best in my opinion though he really needs to learn how vary his shots. I think the man is a better writer then a director."

"How can you say that? What about Clerks? It was a breakthrough."

Josh signed the chart and reached for another one. "Clerks was not a breakthrough. It was a good film, yes, but it was not a breakthrough movie. The story was weak, the characters annoying, and the dialogue attempted to be a witless diatribe about society."

Alex's jaw dropped when he saw the twinkle in Josh's blue eyes. "But all in all, I'm not the right person to ask about Kevin Smith's films. Joe's the one who knows movies better then me."

Alex nodded. "Who's your favorite director?"

"Woody Allen. Come on. We have to go look at a impacted bowel in three. This should be fun for you."

Alex groaned and followed Dr. Chasez down the hall. 

 

 

"Lance is back on nights this week. So he'll stop in and see you when he can. Conner was nice enough to keep me on days for another week. I could get used to this though, being able to actually sleep when it's dark out."

Josh held Joey's hand, running his thumb in circles over Joey's dry skin. Still no reaction besides Joey's eyes watching him. "The new med student we got is actually pretty good. This one is going to be a good doctor someday. I can see it when he works on a patient."

"I argued with him today about Kevin Smith," Josh grinned. "Took it like a champ too. Fought tooth and nail that Smith is a good director. You would have been proud of me though. I stood my ground."

He thought he saw a smile play across Joey's face but it was gone before he could be sure. Josh sighed and reached up to stroke his cheek. "I wish you would come back to me. I know you are in there because your eyes follow me and you listen to what I'm saying. I need you, Joe."

Joey's eyes looked away from Josh, focusing on the machines next to him, the technology monitoring his blood pressure, pulse rate, breathing rate. Everything about him.

Josh squeezed his hand. "No, look at me, Joey. Don't pay attention to the machines. They aren't important. I am. You are. WE are," He shook Joey's hand until he looked back at him. Josh smiled. "Good. I want you to pay attention to me."

Josh sighed and looked at the clock. He had another 20 minutes for lunch. Might as well see if asking a direct question would get a response from Joey.

"Why did you do it, Joe? Why did you try to kill yourself?

No response. Joey just stared at him, unblinking. "Did you even think about me? About how barren my life would be without you? I love you, Joseph Fatone. I love you more then anyone else in the world. How could you even think about leaving me?"

Josh bit his lip to keep the tears back. He looked away for a moment, trying to regain his composure.

He felt his hand being squeezed and then it was tugged on. Josh looked back at Joey. "Look at me," Joey said softly. "I want your attention too."

Josh let the tears come, wrapping his arms around Joey, wishing he could feel Joey's arms around him as well, but he was still restrained. He held him crying and laughing at the same time.

"I love you, Joe. I love you." He kept saying over and over again.

"I love you too," Joey whispered, turning his head to lightly kiss Josh's temple. "And Kevin Smith is a good director."

Josh laughed and sat back, wiping his face with his hands. "God I missed you. Don't ever do that to me again."

Joey looked away, not answering him, just returning to his silence for a moment. "Can I be untied yet?" He finally asked.

Josh shook his head. "Not yet. Not until you talk to psych."

"Then I guess I'll deal with the restraints."

Josh sighed. "Why are you so damn stubborn? Talk to someone. Talk to me for heaven's sakes. Tell me what's wrong at least."

"No. I'm tired."

Josh felt anger rise in himself as he looked at the set expression on Joey's face. "Fine. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to anyone. Stay tied to the bed for the rest of your damn life! See if I give a fucking damn. I have patients to see."

Josh stormed out and left Joey alone again. Joey closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep, to forget about everything in his mind and just let sleep overtake him again.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex McLean shoved his hands in the pockets of his white coat, bouncing back and forth from foot to foot to try and stay warm. Dr. Bass looked over at him and smiled. "Come on. It's not that cold. It's practically balmy right now."

Alex looked at him in disbelief. "Balmy? You've got to be joking. I'm freezing."

Lance looked at his watch. "Well, I'm sure we won't have to wait that much longer. They'll let us back inside in a moment," He looked back at the ER for a moment. "Don't worry Alex. This is part of the training."

Alex nodded. "I heard. Why do you guys do this to med students?"

Lance grinned. "Cause we've all been in your shoes. And we can finally torture someone else. It's our prize for getting through med school."

Alex sighed and pulled his hands out, blowing hot air over them. "Besides you've got it easy. Joe's still not allowed to come to work. He's the one who provides the most torture."

Alex shrugged. "I guess I'm lucky then."

The door to the ER opened and Keri walked out. "Let's go, kid. Hope you're ready."

Alex sighed and let Dr. Bass lead him back inside. The rest of the staff was grinning as they stood around holding charts.

Dr. Chasez looked up from the desk. "Just give it to him and lets get this over with." He closed his chart and handed it to Alex before walking away.

Lance sighed and handed the chart he had set aside for Alex. "Good luck." Suddenly Alex was bombarded by all the charts he could hold. He groaned.

"Have fun." Keri said, as everyone walked away, leaving Alex standing in the hall holding a ton of charts.

"What do I do with these?" He called out.

"Those are your patients, Dr. McLean. Get moving."

Alex groaned and put the charts on the desk. He picked up the first chart and opened it. "Oh yuck. How do you get a cut there?"

Vanessa grinned at him. "You won't believe it until you see it. Get moving." Alex smiled at her and took the chart with him. 

 

 

"So what's happening now?" Joey asked, trying to keep the pleading tone out of his voice. He was so bored. "Come on, Vanessa. Just talk to me."

He could hear her sigh and move papers around. "Joe, I'm really busy. Why don't you just come here for a bit? I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I'm not allowed, Van," Joey said, playing with the books on the table. "Is Josh around?"

"I'm not supposed to put you through to him. It's his orders. Sorry, Joe."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, he won't speak to me. I haven't talked to him in about two weeks. Lance even has Benjamin trained to say 'Dr. Chasez can't come to the phone ever again.' It sounds cuter coming from him."

Vanessa sighed and sat down. "Okay. Let's talk, Joey. I'm listening."

"I still won't tell him what happened. That's why he's mad at me."

Vanessa rested the phone on her shoulder and typed as she listened. "Well, Joe, you took about 4 bottles of sleeping pills and slit your wrists. I think your husband would like to know why. Call me crazy."

"Fine. You’re crazy," Joe said with a hint of laughter in his voice. "You're also the first person who's said that to me, been that blunt about what I did. Thanks."

"What's the point of beating around the bush with you, Joey? You know what you did."

"Have you ever read any Faulkner?" Vanessa sighed. "Where did that come from?"

"I need you to tease Dr. Bass for me since I'm not there to do it. Please Vanny?" Joey pleaded with her.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Fine. What do I need to do?"

"Just ask him about Yoknopatowpha for me. I want to see if he gets all embarrassed."

"Okay. I will, Joey. I really need to go now though. We're swamped here."

"Fine. I'll call you later on. I get really bored around 12:30."

Vanessa nodded. "Okay. Bye, Joe."

She hung up quickly and smiled at Dr. Chasez who was glaring at her. "My uncle. I haven't talked to him in ages."

"We aren't accepting phone calls from him, Vanessa. Remember that."

Vanessa nodded and handed him a chart. "Asthma attack in room 5." She watched him stalk away.

"Damn, he's getting even worse." Dennis said.

Vanessa nodded. "And if I have to listen to Joe rambling on about his day one more time, I'm going to kill both of them." 

 

"Chris, don't give me that shit." Lance said.

"It's not shit. I'm telling you the honest to god truth. Nick found it the other night."

"Give it to me." Lance grabbed for the box, but Chris pulled it back.

"No way. This is worth a lot of money to you and lord knows I wouldn't be your best friend if I didn't try and extort you in some way."

"I won't tell Dani about the engagement ring."

Chris' face paled. "Deal." He handed Lance the box. "You play way too dirty, man."

Lance opened the box and pulled out the book, holding it in his hands gingerly.

"What's the big deal about this book anyway?" Chris asked, watching Lance flip through the pages.

"Here." Lance pointed at the picture. "That's what the big deal is."

Chris smiled looking at it with wonder. "They're so young."

Lance nodded. "And I refuse to let them forget those days. Besides, I'm sick of Josh moping around my house."

"What's the quote?"

"Socrates. I think. That was part of their vows when they got married."

There was a knock on the door and Lance quickly put the book in his locker. "Yeah, Josh?"

"There's a call for you on line 4. I think it's Kelly."

Chris smiled at Josh as he walked by. "I gotta go find Nick. See you later, Josh."

Lance picked up the phone and hit line 4. "Dr. Bass."

"Lance, I really need to talk to him." Joey said.

Lance forced a smile on his face. "Hi, sweetie. What's up?"

"His mother called. Roy had a heart attack. Please let me talk to him."

Lance sighed. "Come here, Josh." Lance handed him the phone.

Josh took it in confusion. "Hello?

"Don't hang up on me. This is really important." Joey blurted out quickly.

Josh frowned and hit Lance in the shoulder. "What?"

"Your dad had a heart attack. You need to get home now."

Josh slammed his hand against the wall. "Fine. Fuck. Make flight arrangements for both of us. If I come home without you, they're going to know something’s wrong and they don't need that now."

"I'll call you when I find out the flight plans. Will you let them page you when I call?"

"Yes," Josh said through clenched teeth. "I have to go to talk to Conner."

Josh slammed the phone down and stalked away, leaving Lance standing there with a smile on his face. Now they had to spend time together. He went back to his locker and took out the book, slipping it in Josh's bag. 

 

 

Alex leaned against the desk, picking up his last chart. "How's it going, kid?" Lance asked.

Alex groaned and rubbed his eyes. "I'm exhausted and if I see another weird item shoved up someone's ass, I'm gonna snap. Do you guys call people in to do this to us?"

Lance shook his head. "Amazingly, we got lucky tonight. No one else has ever had so many bowel obstructions as you got. You should feel lucky."

"Oh yeah. Really lucky."

"Nick and Chris are bringing in a 22 year old man with severe hypothermia. Get the room ready for a thaw. We've got a popsicle coming in!" Dennis shouted to the ER.

"Shit. Come on Alex. Looks like you are gonna get a little bonus tonight."

Lance grabbed Alex by the arm and ran out front. The ambulance screamed into the ER entrance. Lance was in the ambulance a moment later, helping Chris and Nick unload the patient.

"Core temperature is 52. Heart rate is about 8 beats per minutes. We've got the oxygen on him. Hopefully his brain isn't totally shot at this point."

"How long has he been frozen?"

"No clue. Let's get moving!" They ran into the ER, blowing by Josh who was on the phone.

"Okay. I talked to Conner. I'm leaving in about 20 minutes. Will you have the bags packed and ready to go?"

"Yeah. Are you sure you want me with you?"

Josh sighed and rested his head against the wall. "I need you with me for this, Joe. If Dad," He paused taking a deep breath. "If Dad is dying, I need you there with me."

"I love you, Josh."

"I love you too, Joe. I'll be home as soon as possible. Did you call Mom and tell her we are on our way?"

"I didn't get in touch with her. I talked to Heather. They're expecting us."

"Okay. I have to go."

"See you soon."

Josh hung up the phone and walked back to the lounge. He grabbed the charts he left there and quickly signed off on them, leaving them on the table for Vanessa to get. He stripped off his lab coat and put his winter coat on, grabbing his bag. He noticed it was heavier for some reason but didn't give it another thought as he left the hospital.


	7. Chapter 7

“I hate planes,” Josh said between clenched teeth. He was gripping the armrests so hard his knuckles were turning white.

“I know, hon,” Joey said to him, not even looking up from his book. He was only here to keep up appearances so he wasn’t going to go out of his way to make sure Josh was okay.

“Put the fucking book down and look at me,” Josh said angrily.

“Why?”

“Because I’m scared as shit and I’d like you to pay attention to me so I don’t go nuts or something.”

“Don’t worry,” Joey said, looking over at him. “I’m the one who’s crazy, remember?”

Josh closed his eyes tightly. “Forget it. Just read your damn book.”

“Okay then.”

 

 

“I have such a headache,” Nick sighed, pressing his palm against his temple. “Did you smell that guy?”

“Yup,” Chris rummaged through their supplies, pulling out some Tylenol with codeine. “Here you go. This’ll get rid of that headache in no time.”

“Ah,” Nick smiled. “The perks of being an EMT. Codeine.”

“You’re coming to the party, right?” Chris yawned, closing his eyes as he stretched out on the gurney. They were currently parked on a side street until they got a call.

“Are you sure Dr. Bass wants me to come?”

“Nick,” Chris opened one eye. “He invited you. Generally when someone invites you somewhere, they want you to come.”

“Jalen’s looking forward to it,” Nick smiled a little. “She still doesn’t know many people here. When she’s not in school, she’s either sleeping or taking care of the baby.”

“How is your rugrat doing?”

Nick grinned happily. “She’s big and bad. We’re bringing her on Saturday.”

“Cool. Dani’ll be thrilled. She loves playing with other people’s kids. And since Kaia is still a baby she’ll be all over her.”

Nick took a drink of his coffee, swallowing the pills with it. “How come you and Dani never had kids?”

“I’m not bringing any more people into this shithole of a world,” Chris said looking over at him. “Dani’s accepted that.”

“That’s a shame,” Nick said softly. “Being a father’s the best thing that’s happened to me.”

 

 

“Will someone please clamp off that bleeder for me?” Lance shouted. “I can’t see shit!”

Keri twisted around Dennis who was trying to hold the patient’s arms down. “I can’t get it.”

“Fuck!” Lance grabbed the clamp from her, getting it on the artery. “Suction!”

“Dr. Spears is on her way down!” A voice, probably Jerry, called out to Lance.

“Who called her?” Lance groaned loudly.

“We need surgical, Dr. Bass,” Keri said, trying to clean out the wound so they could see. “She’s on call.”

“Fuck,” Lance groaned again. “Alex! Go watch for Dr. Spears. I need warning.”

Alex nodded, stripping off his gloves and disposable gown, heading for the door.

His hand was on the door when it swung inward and Dr. Spears stalked into the trauma room. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she had on full surgical dress.

“Gloves,” Dr. Spears snapped at the nurse. “What do you have for me, Lance, and how have you fucked it up this time?”

“It’s good to see you too, Britney,” Lance glared at her. There was no love lost between these two. “Gunshot wound, lower right abdomen. Nicked the renal artery. Tore his intestines up good. He’s losing a lot of blood.”

“You called me down here for a gunshot wound,” Britney said in amazement, pushing him aside. “Are you going to call me the next time you need someone to stitch up a cut?”

Lance glared, pulling off his gloves and stalking out of the trauma room.

“What crawled up his ass and died?” Britney asked, her fingers deftly moving through the tangle of intestines.

 

 

“Josh,” Heather wrapped her arms around her older brother tightly, hugging him close.

“How’s Dad?” Josh rubbed her back gently, kissing the top of her head.

“Not good,” Heather pulled away, sniffling. “Joey,” Her arms wrapped around her brother-in-law as well.

“Mom and Tyler are with him. Please, Josh. You have to make him better. These doctors aren’t trying.”

Josh sighed and reached for Joey’s hand out of comfort. Joey let him take it.

“I’m not a cardiologist, Heather,” he said softly, letting her lead them to the car. “The doctors are doing what they can for him. This isn’t his first heart attack.”

“Josh. Please,” Heather pleaded with him.

Joey squeezed Josh’s hand tightly, rubbing his thumb over the underside of his wrist. Josh visibly relaxed and nodded.

“I’ll look at his charts, Heather. That’s all I can really do.”

 

“You really need to calm down, Lance,” Britney said, walking into the lounge. “I swear, you are such a loose cannon.”

“Go back to surgical,” Lance muttered, looking at his coffee. “You don’t belong here anymore.”

“You know, Lance. We used to get along,” Britney poured herself a cup of coffee, sitting down next to him.

“We used to get along before you stabbed me in the back for the surgical position,” Lance looked up at her. “You didn’t even want it until I told you I was going for it.”

“That’s what you think,” Britney smiled sweetly. “How’re the kids?”

Lance glared at her. “How are your kids?”

“Low blow, Bass,” Britney said softly, playing with her coffee cup.

“Don’t ask about my kids then,” Lance said, standing up. “And I didn’t leave you a mess to clean up, Britney. I fucking saved that guy’s life.”

“No,” Britney shook her head, standing up. “I saved his life. You just kept him alive long enough for me to save him.”

Lance glared at the woman standing across from him. “Get out of my ER.”

Britney smiled at him, tilting her head a little. “Your ER? I’m sure Dr. Chasez would love to hear you say that.”

“Just get out, Britney!”

 

“He’s not going to make it, Joe,” Josh whispered, his hand on the chart on his lap.

Joey reached over, taking it from him, scanning it quickly. He put it aside, moving over and putting his arms around Josh for the first time in over a month.

Josh turned his face into Joey’s chest, letting the other man hold him close and comfort him. He relaxed into Joey’s arms as he cried.

“Can I come home?” whispered Josh, his voice thick with tears and muffled by Joey’s body.

“Why would I say no?” Joey rubbed his back, small circles, kissed the top of his head.

Josh pulled away, tears streaking his face. Joey looked at him, looked at the fine lines around his eyes, the occasional grey hair that was hidden in the brown strands. He brushed his thumbs under Josh’s eyes, wiping off a few of the stray tears.

“Why would you say yes?”

“You’re my husband,” Joey said simply, cupping Josh’s cheek in his hand. “I love you and I need you.”

“I still want to know why,” Josh averted his eyes from Joey’s face, dropping his gaze to his neck, looking at the small necklace he wore with the Superman symbol on it.

“My life was filled with violence and sadness and death,” Joey whispered. “There wasn’t a happy part left in it except you. And then you started pulling away from me. I couldn’t get you to really talk to me or acknowledge that I existed half the time. We’ve been together for twelve years, married for four of them, and suddenly, I didn’t have you anymore. I...I didn’t know what to do.”

“You still had me. You’ll always have me,” Josh said, his voice shaky and weak.

“You told me that you loved me, that you needed me, that you couldn’t survive without me, Josh,” Joey tried to keep the accusing tone out of his voice. “The first thing you did when I was released from the hospital was leave me because I wouldn’t tell you why. I guess you didn’t realize how much I needed you.”

“I was angry,” Josh looked away from him now, looked at the other members of his family. Heather and her husband, Brian, were fast asleep on a couch. Tyler was sleeping as well, his wife, Jeanette, asleep on his lap. “And I was hurt that whatever was bothering you was apparently something you couldn’t share with me.”

“And I was suicidal. You know it’s only dumb luck that Chris and Nick found me, right?”

Josh nodded, closing his eyes, the tears still squeezing out though. “I don’t want to lose you, Joe. And the fact that I would have had they not just wandered into our apartment that night scares the shit out of me.”

“Come home,” Joey said, turning Josh’s face back towards him. “Please.”

Josh opened his eyes. “I will,” he said softly before leaning forward and kissing him gently. “I promise.”


	8. Chapter 8

The door opened, causing the fluorescent light to spill into the small, dark room. Dr. Chasez groaned, opening one eye to look at the doorway.  
“Gunshot wound,” Keri said. “Wake up.”

“Isn’t there anyone else?” Josh groaned again, sitting up and looking at her.

“Nope. Dr. Bass isn’t in yet. Dr. McLean is working on an OD. Dr. Levinson is trying to revive a heart attack. You win this time.”

Josh sighed and swung his legs over the side, hopping to the ground. “I’m sick of winning gunshot wounds. Can’t I win a vacation to Hawaii or something?” 

Keri laughed, patting his shoulder. “It could be worse. You could be in curtain five with Joe and the new student.”

“What’s he doing in curtain five?”

“Finding out how much rubber hose someone can get up their ass,” Keri pushed open the door’s leading outside. The heat was oppressive even at 2 in the morning and Josh began to sweat immediately.

“What’s the ETA?”

Keri looked at her watch. “Another minute or so.”

“Hey,” Josh looked over at her. “Isn’t Michael starting college in a few weeks?”

Keri nodded, smiling a little. “Only one more and Greg and I have the place to ourselves again.”

Their conversation was cut off by the arrival of the ambulance. The back door’s opened and they helped Nick get the patient down.

“Male. 26 years old. Gunshot wound to the lower abdomen,” Chris began to brief them as they pushed the gurney inside. “He’s tacky and his pulse is down to 80. He’s lost a lot of blood.”

“Get me two units of O-!” Josh shouted, looking down at the young man on the gurney. His soft brown eyes were open and he looked up at Josh, fear clouding his face. His long brown hair was tangled around his shoulders.

“Help me,” the man whispered, his voice a soft accent that Josh couldn’t place. He reached for Josh’s hand and clutched at it.

Josh squeezed his hand. “We will.” 

 

 

“There’s still bagels left,” Nick said happily, sitting down and reaching for the cream cheese. “Want one, Chris?”

“Yeah,” Chris collapsed on the couch, poking Lance in the side. “Hey old man.”

Lance grunted and rolled over away from Chris. “Sleeping. Leave me alone.”

“You are such the conversationalist, Bass,” Chris grinned at him, before pulling Lance onto his lap. “I’m more comfortable then the arm of the couch. Relax.”

“Thanks,” Lance mumbled, rolling over and burying his face in Chris’ stomach.

“Hey, toss me a bagel,” Joey said as he walked into the room, a smile on his face. He stripped his gloves off and sat down. “I’m starving.”

“Sleeping,” Lance mumbled again, trying to convince them to shut up even though he knew it wasn’t going to work.

“This is the first break we’ve had all night,” Nick said, handing a bagel to Joey and one to Chris.

“Same here,” Joey bit into the bagel, talking with his mouth full. “Three of my nurses called out. We’re swamped. At least it’s a fairly slow night.”

“Yeah for you guys,” Chris sighed, stroking Lance’s hair absentmindedly. “We’ve been on constant runs. A lot of them are going over to St. Christopher’s though. They’re taking the major trauma’s tonight.”

“I think fishing rubber hose out of some guy’s ass counts as a major trauma for me,” Joey said, looking over at Chris.

“Eww,” Chris wrinkled his nose. “Do I want to know how many feet it was this time?”

“Three. That beats the record,” Joey said, taking another bite of the bagel.

Josh yawned, pushing open the doors and walking into the lounge. “Oh hey. It’s a party in here.”

“Hi hon,” Joey smiled at him. “There’s still bagels.”

“Oh sweet,” Josh immediately picked up one, biting into it without putting anything on it.

“How’s the guy we brought in?” Nick asked, sipping on some coffee.

“Up in surgery,” Josh smiled. “I think he’ll be okay. Britney’s got her hands in him.”

“Bitch,” Lance mumbled in his sleep which made Chris laugh a little.

“Hey, how’s the cute new student doing?” Chris asked, waggling his eyebrows a little.

Joey nudged him. “Do I need to tell your wife you’re hitting on the students again?”

“Nope,” Chris grinned. “I haven’t hit on her once. Alex seems to be taking care of that just fine on his own.”

“You people are so damn loud,” Lance sighed, sitting up again. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Gimme some coffee.”

“It’s always you, you, you in this relationship, isn’t it?” Josh smiled, pouring Lance a cup of coffee.

“It’s the least you can do for waking me up. I was sleeping.”

"You know," Josh said, handing him the cup. "There is a room set aside for us to sleep in. There's less chance of people bothering you in there."

Lance rolled his eyes, taking the coffee. "Gee...I never knew there was a room for that. I've only been working here for 10 years. Dr. Levinson is asleep in there."

"Bitchy, bitchy," Chris laughed. "Let me guess. You took care of the kids today."

Lance nodded. "Stupid daycare cancelled on us." 

“Summer vacation is almost over,” Chris patted Lance’s shoulder. “At least you won’t have to worry about Brandi then.”

“Fuck,” Nick muttered, looking at the beeper that had just gone off on the table. “C’mon Chris. We’re up again.”

“It’s our turn again?” Chris whined, standing up. “But...we were gonna eat.” 

“Bring it with you,” Nick pulled him along. “See you guys later.”

“Bye,” Josh yawned, moving to sit next to Joey. He kissed him softly before returning his attention to his bagel. 

“Kelly’s pregnant again,” Lance said quietly.

“Again?” Joey looked at Lance with surprise. “Wow. Congratulations.”

“Yeah,” Josh leaned over, clapping Lance’s shoulder. “Way to go, man.”

“Thanks,” Lance said, still quiet. “It’s a little unexpected.”

“All three of them have been, Lance,” Joey said, trying to cheer him up. “But it’s a good unexpected.”

Lance nods. “Of course it is.”

Vanessa stuck her head in the room. “Dr. Chasez, the test results on the five year old are back. Joey, Mr. Llewellyn is asking for you and he’s stinky. And Dr. Bass, Dr. Levinson said the bed is yours if you hurry.”

“Ooh. Bed,” Lance got up quickly. “Talk to you guys after my nap.”

Joey groaned. “Why does he always ask for me? I hate taking care of Mr. Llewellyn.”

Josh laughed, kissing him again before getting up. “Because you are so good with him. I’ll see you later.”

“Yep,” Joey grinned. “That’s me, the expert drunk handler. I’ll catch you in the scrub closet in an hour, okay?”

“Deal,” Josh waved as he left the room, whistling a little.

Joey got up, washing his hands. He pulled out a pair of gloves, smoothing them over his hands with a sigh of relief. It had been too long without a pair on. And there was no way he was touching Mr. Llewellyn without them.

He walked down the hall, not really thinking about the fact he was probably going to get thrown up on again. Instead he was thinking about meeting Josh in the scrub closet in an hour.

Yeah. Life was good again.


End file.
